Dating an IT specialist might look like a modern fairy tale – stable income, intelligence, and tech-savvy charm. But behind the screens and high salaries, some Belarusian women found themselves trapped in a nightmare of possessive jealousy, cold indifference, and shocking breakups. In this raw confession, three heroines reveal how their love affairs with developers turned into painful lessons they’ll never forget.
“It Was a Mistake.” Belarusian Women on Their Worst Romances with IT Guys
As practice shows, there are girls for whom a date with an IT specialist is a desirable catch. For instance, some Belarusian women deliberately scour dating apps in search of a representative of the IT sphere. For some, such encounters even develop into long-term relationships. Only sometimes they end in a crash, leaving disappointment in place of delight. Today we are sharing the stories of such heroines: look how their romances with developers turned into sheer sorrow.
“His salary was about five times higher than mine”
Our first heroine, Anastasia, when going on a date with Yaroslav (the young man’s name has been changed at the reader’s request), did not know what field he worked in. She says she agreed to the meeting because of how the young man communicated with her on Instagram.
— I posted in my stories that the evening was nice, but I lacked good company. And Yaroslav responded: he wrote that he could take me for coffee if I felt like it. I hesitated, but he was so eloquent that within an hour I was already putting on makeup.
Anastasia and Yaroslav’s relationship developed quickly. The first kiss happened on the very first date, and two months later the girl moved in with Yaroslav. At that time she lived with her parents, while her boyfriend had “a two-room apartment in the center of Minsk, where he kept inviting me.”
— Even before moving in, I realized that Yarik was very temperamental. I had interacted with IT guys before, and in my opinion, he stood out significantly from the rest: not silent and phlegmatic, as programmers are usually pictured, but very emotional and loud. That’s what won me over.
The girl says that the object of her affection worked as a “senior programmer” at one of the Belarusian banks. Money-wise, she recalls, Yaroslav was doing well: for example, his first gift to her was the flagship iPhone 13 Pro Max at the time.
Anastasia does not hide that a financially successful partner is convenient. For instance, during their year‑long relationship, she never had to pay for herself at a restaurant, for taxis, or for shopping.
— His salary was about five times higher than mine. If for me a taxi ride to the other end of Minsk meant minus 25% of my daily budget, for him it was like buying a metro token. So yes, I allowed him to pay for me practically everywhere.
According to Anastasia, they lived in bliss for about six months. Now, she feels, it was a drawn‑out honeymoon period, after which Yaroslav “changed abruptly.”
— He became very irritable and hot‑tempered. Things that he used to take calmly suddenly began to provoke his anger. At one point it turned out that I cooked badly, cleaned rarely, and was only in the relationship to spend his money. Though, I repeat, I never asked him to pay; it was always his initiative.
From Anastasia’s account, periods of Yaroslav’s anger were sometimes replaced by episodes of total apathy. The young man himself, according to our heroine, explained this by difficulties on the project and problems communicating with the project manager. At such moments, he asked his girlfriend “not to touch him.”
— When this gloominess started, he could remain silent all evening and all the next morning. There were several such episodes a week, and so for half the week we might hardly communicate at all. I didn’t like this life: I tried to negotiate with Yaroslav and complained to friends. One of them asked why I needed all this. And I thought: indeed, why?
Anastasia decided she did not need constant “emotional swings.” She suggested they break up — and was most impressed by how phlegmatically Yaroslav reacted to her proposal.
— He listened to me, paused for a minute, nodded, and said something like “Okay, I hear you, but I have a conference call, let’s talk later.” But no further conversation happened: I packed my things, he ordered a cargo delivery for me, and I left. Then he only wrote a few times to send me things I had forgotten via courier. That’s how it all ended.
“I still have trauma and a bunch of questions”
In September 2021, Aksinya started dating a young man who worked as an architect‑developer at one of the largest international IT companies. They met on a dating app, and according to our heroine, they went on dates throughout September 2021.
— He was sensitive, attentive, caring. Well‑mannered, with good, proper manners, but at the same time cheerful and without excessive conservatism. I quickly began to fall in love with him. And, as I felt, by early October we were already in a serious relationship. He introduced me to all his friends and colleagues, and I often spent time with his company. For me, everything was magical, I couldn’t even fully believe that this was happening to me.
In December 2021, Aksinya’s boyfriend left Belarus for work and was supposed to return in February 2022. However, he was offered a job in Europe, and the Belarusian decided to accept the offer. So in 2022, he maintained the relationship with Aksinya online. According to the girl, “without sexting, but with tenderness in communication.” The couple met offline to celebrate the coming New Year.
— I was so happy with him during those days, I dreamed about it so much. But then it all ended, and we went our separate ways to different countries. For another two months after that, there was dry communication, which fizzled out. I still have trauma and a bunch of questions. How did he feel about me? Was I something serious to him? Why didn’t he talk to me and suggest breaking up, but just ghosted like that? Why does he still watch my stories but not communicate? I have many questions left, but I stopped asking them to myself.
— Did you ever feel like writing to him yourself to dot the i’s?
— After a year and a half or two, I wrote myself to put an end to this long‑pending question, but I got a dry reply and had no desire to develop it.
— Will you risk getting into a relationship with someone from IT in the future, or is that segment now off‑limits for you?
— I haven’t crossed men from IT off the list, that would be stupid. And yes, I did try to build the next relationship with a guy from this field. He is originally from Russia, but has lived in Austria for a long time. He invited me to visit, we had a great time together. Thanks to him, I got to know that wonderful country, and we remained close friends. I visit him twice a year, and we even travel around Europe together as friends.
“In the evening, a personal hysterics awaited me”
Natalya herself works in IT: she does data analysis at a product company. She has been at her current job for four years, and it was there that she met a young man who became a “source of problems” for her.
— I am restrained myself, even somewhat stingy with emotions. And somehow all my logic and rationality were forgotten, and I decided that I needed a person who would differ from me in temperament. The classic “opposites attract” seemed very relevant to me.
With this mindset, Natalya met a colleague who had just joined their company. According to our heroine, he was a “charming boy‑tester”; she was four years older than him. She was won over by “his humor, good looks, and a combination of charisma and naivety.”
— We giggled together in the office once, twice, agreed to go for coffee. Then one date, two. Our relationship developed after a month of communication. And in the beginning I was happy: I felt lightness, it seemed he was crazy about me.
Natalya’s delight faded as she got to know her chosen one. It turned out that her boyfriend was very jealous, which caused him to “constantly make scenes.”
— He was jealous of me about everything. As soon as I talked to any male colleague in the office, an angry message would immediately arrive. And in the evening, a personal hysterics awaited me. At first, such jealousy seemed cute, but within a month it became clear that it was nothing but trouble.
The man’s jealousy affected not only his romance with Natalya but also their work. The couple could not maintain professional neutrality, and the young man could easily “make a scene” anywhere — from the office kitchen to a conference call attended by the entire company.
— I realized that this was a mistake. I didn’t need a relationship with a colleague, nor with someone younger than me, nor with someone who was so different from me in temperament. We broke up through another hysterics, and I promised myself that in the coming years I would only work with IT guys, but definitely not date them.
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